The Witch (2015) has got to be one of the quietest films I've ever seen. There are moments of sudden alarming noise, to be sure. And the tension remains throughout, even in the quietest moments. But this one is the textbook definition of a slow burner, which doesn't translate well to modern cinema-goers. Or maybe the audience I saw this film with just sucked. Well they did, but I have a feeling there are going to be a lot of people saying this film was boring or dumb and "nothing happened." Me, I loved it. But the audience almost ruined it for me—constant chatter, popcorn bags rustling, inappropriately-timed laughter, exasperated sighs—the works. I kid you not, I nearly walked out. So I very much look forward to a second viewing. The story is incredibly simple, I'll just steal from IMDb here: "A family in 1630s New England is torn apart by the forces of witchcraft, black magic and possession." That's all you really need to know. The per...