THE DANMAN CAN

There is something entirely satisfying to me that  Conquest   (1983) feels like it was birthed from the imagination of a 14-year-old boy. There is no denying that the movie   is an Italian rip-off of  Conan The Barbarian   (1982) [ review ] and  The Beastmaster   (1982) [ review ] that has more in common with  Hawk The Slayer  (1980), but there is also no mistaking that this is a  Lucio Fulci  film, and that's what makes it so enjoyable. It's unfortunate that the photography is not up to par with Fulci's other pictures (the soft focus was applied a bit too liberally and many scenes were shot too dark), but it's impossible not to enjoy this fantasy freakfest (and Cauldron Films did a superb job with their 4K UHD ). If you like your sword and sorcery flicks with a mostly-nude, golden-masked, snake-wielding, brain-eating, orgiastic necromancer witch who has an army of wolfmen and the power to control the sun and the moon, look no furt...

"Talk about frightening experiences, you ever tried slam dancing?" "I'm in a strange man, surrounded by strangers in a strange room." "Demons talk through you, not to you." With innovative (Oscar-winning) effects by Dennis Murren  (plus some wonderful makeup via Rob Bottin ) , hilarious physical gags and dialogue, a great (as always) Jerry Goldsmith score, and an excellent cast (including lots of Robert Picardo ; always welcome), Joe Dante 's Innerspace (1987) is a Hitchcock ian sci-fi comedy that holds up incredibly well almost 40 years on. Joe Dante Feature Films Ranked

"I could stand on my head nine months." "God, don't kill them. Let me do it." "I need some fuckin' shoes." Tense, gritty, beautifully scored , over the top, occasionally very funny, occasionally quite moving, and always incredibly entertaining. Runaway Train (1985) is a strange bird—a  Cannon  film, based on an  Akira Kurosawa  screenplay, made by a distinguished Russian director ( Andrei Konchalovsky ), full of larger than life performances (and ridiculous accents) by Jon Voight , Eric Roberts , and John P. Ryan , requiring a great deal of suspension of belief. Somehow it all works wonderfully.

I'd seen  Lucio Fulci 's Demonia (1990) before, more than 20 years ago, but I didn't remember much about it. I can see why—other than a few memorable gore scenes (one in particular is quite gnarly), the film is slow-moving and mostly mediocre. With more care put into the production, this one could have been great, but, as it is, it's clumsy, the acting isn't great, and the score is chintzy. Lucio Fulci Feature Films Ranked

Warning! Contents Under Pressure By Jeffrey Franken My heart is packed so full of love for you That I dreamed I exploded, like aerosol cans sometimes do I blew with such force that my bones became shrapnel And leveled the town, except the small chapel My teeth flew like bullets, I didn't know what was happenin' They killed everyone in sight, except for the chaplain And then, thanks to him, we were happily wed Even though, at the time, I think we were both dead The end Frank Henenlotter Feature Films Ranked

"You, you're a gullible goose." "And you're a malicious moose." Bill Plympton Animated Feature Films Ranked

"Well, she's...something a little strange."

"What are you doing?" "I'm looking at my wife." Jonathan Glazer Feature Films Ranked

Shanghai Blues (1984) is a screwball rom-com with lots of over the top physical gags. Because it's  Tsui Hark  it's, of course, visually inventive and full of political (sub)text. There's some dated humor, but it's mostly charming. Sally Yeh is the MVP in this goofy love triangle period piece. Tsui Hark Films Ranked

"Snow is falling... Falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead." John Huston 's final film (screened less than a week after he died), 1987's The Dead —based on the final short story (technically a novella) in James Joyce 's first published book of fiction, the 1914 collection Dubliners —is a fittingly poetic bookend to an amazing filmography. It's a lyrical, melancholic, and nostalgic, beautifully lit, delicately scored, and wonderfully performed picture that reminded me a lot of  Ingmar Bergman 's masterful  Fanny And Alexander (1983) [ review ]. John Huston Feature Films Ranked