Never Too Young To Die (1986) ***

Never Too Young To Die (1986) is 80s tropes epitomized. It's a low-rent Bond film (starring, briefly, one-time Bond George Lazenby) with Mad Max castaways for villains, our macho (sort of?) hero John Stamos one year away from Full House (1987–1995), Vanity fresh off of The Last Dragon (1985) being her sexy badass self (though sadly only kicking ass in the beginning and then being relegated to window dressing), a really weird and hilarious sex scene, political incorrectness galore (including, of course, a hyper intelligent but clumsy Asian sidekick with gadgets that only work some of the time), Robert Englund (not quite well known enough after only two Nightmare On Elm Street films) in a wasted part, incredibly goofy humor, and most importantly (the icing on this outrageous movie cake) Gene Simmons hamming it up big time as  our head baddie, a hermaphroditic version of Dr. Frank-N-Furter from The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975). The recent crop of 80s nostalgia imitators clearly rented this VHS tape a lot.

Recommended for fans of Doomsday (2008) (review), Miami Connection (1987) (review), and Big Trouble In Little China (1986) (review).