X-Ray (aka Hospital Massacre) (1981) ***

X-Ray (aka Hospital Massacre) (1981) is like if Brian De Palma directed a Friday The 13th entry. This loosely Valentine's Day-themed Cannon Group jam is so over the top and surreal and fetishistic that I had a ball with it. This is how to do a slasher, in my opinion—go big, go campy, go ridiculous. I've seen numerous reviewers calling this film dull or slow, but I never found it to be so (there were only a few moments that dragged, compared to many slashers that I find very plodding). The score and the sound effects are really pronounced—it's either an ASMR dream or nightmare. Barbi Benton is basically a cipher—a non character designed to inflict trauma upon. The whole picture is just an exercise in slasher tropes. I like to think that director Boaz Davidson knew how dumb and nonsensical his movie was when he was making it, but it doesn't matter—either way it's a ton of fun.